I Solemnly Swear That I Am up to No Good

[alt_lee]

There are jokes and then there's just plain nasty.

You lot all all right? Keep your chins up.

(Which is not to say Gred and Forge aren't planning a little quiet retribution, if we can find out who did it.)

Comments

[alt_neville]

Maybe you should all stop talking to me.

[alt_lee]

Don't get a swelled head or anything, Neville. You weren't the only person insulted.

[alt_neville]

Yeah, but maybe I'm the one with the worst reputation.

So make me a pariah and maybe they'll back off. I'm already one anyway.

[alt_lee]

Don't be thick. And don't be a martyr.

[alt_terry]

What's happened?

[alt_lee]

Some cartoons were posted in both the boys' and girls' loo. Showed, uh, Pansy up a throne, with the characteratures of some of the rest of us around her. Sort of, uh, kneeling. And then a banner overhead. With a real nasty crack on it.

[alt_terry]

What?

Surely...they wouldn't dare call her mudblood. Would they?

[alt_lee]

Close. A variant.

'Scumblood.'

(Sorry to repeat it, Pansy.)

[alt_luna]

They're not particularly well drawn.

[alt_lee]

I don't think the drawing ability is what people particularly notice about them.

[alt_justin]

Hello, Lee,

They're all over the school, what? There's one in the water closet near the Charms corridor, as well. It looks as if it had been put up rather hastily; it wasn't hard to take down, except for the banner part.

I say, they'd have to have had a number of people, whomever did it. Don't you think? So it stands to reason someone might be willing to say who's behind it.

-Justin

[alt_ron]

Don't be daft, Nev.

No one's leaving you to take it all. Like that would work, anywiz.

[alt_justin]

Neville,

Nonsense. That only gives whoever did this the satisfaction of a job well done.

It wasn't at all.

-Justin

[alt_pansy]

I had a choice to make.

And I made it.

I knew what I was doing, Neville.

...I really hate May.

[alt_ron]

Yeah, I know you do.

Thanks, though.

I don't suppose coming out to pitch stones at the squid with your minions would make it better. We could take lunch out there. Show everybody exactly how much you care about that rubbish.

Um. Unless you do sort of care and don't want to make things worse.

[alt_pansy]

I want to go back to my room and hide.

It's stupid.

They're stupid.

Whatever.

I just would rather not draw any more attention to myself today.

[alt_ron]

Yeah.

All right.

Sorry.

Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

I wish I could just laugh it off and be brave and do whatever I wanted.

And what I would want any other day is to go on a picnic and throw rocks into the lake with my friends.

I just can't make myself smile today. And I'm tired of being brave.

You're still my friend, though.

One of the best ones I've got.

tuna brains.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

You're not letting Midgen and the rest get to you, are you? You're so much better than any of them. Than all of them together.

And I suppose Patil was writing to gloat? You saw what she said over on Midgen's thing? Yeah. What a cow.

Oh, say. I've got one for you:

Did you hear the one about the two cows?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

No, I haven't.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Well, just wait patil I tell you...

[alt_sally_anne]

THIS is EXACTLY why I like you, Luna.











She's totally right. Whoever drew them got my hair COMPLETELY wrong.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Right.

Okay. I've got another one for you...

So. Did you hear what the blowsy cow said to the lousy bull?

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_ron]

Ha.
 
 
 
Um. I'm trying to cheer Pansy up by telling her lousy jokes. But I'm not sure it's working yet.

How is she?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

hah.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

Let me guess... "Just remember, I'm not allowed to kiss anyone ever, and I'm much more in love with Lana Sandoval than I ever would be with you."

Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

She's really upset, actually. And trying hard not to show it.

I think what's upsetting her isn't that they went after her, but that they went after the rest of us to get at her. You know? Like that time Miss Professor Carrow made a bookshelf fall on me and I wound up in the hospital wing, and Pansy knew that really Carrow was trying to hurt HER and she knew that the absolute worst way to hurt her was to go after her friends.

It's bothering me more than it should, really. It reminds me of primary school, which was horrid.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Ha! No. What she said is

'Is that you, MucSmellin?' (Get it? 'Is that your Muck smellin?' Heh.)

But I bet you're right about what she'd say if Macmillan ever tried kissing any part but her-

yeah.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Okay. Here's another one...

What did the nosy cow say to the noisy one?

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Oh.

You know, I had fun in primary, but, yeah-

I know it wasn't that way for you.

But I thought it was teacher that was horrible. Were the kids awful to you, too?

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

When the teacher's going out of her way to be awful there are plenty of kids who will, too.

Especially when the oldest kids in the room only just turned eleven.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

Anyway the GOOD thing about primary school is that I got really good at not showing when something was bothering me.

That's been dead useful, today.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Yeah, I can see how that would be true.

So do you think they've got less horrible as they've got older?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

I've no idea. I guess it depends on who the nosy one is and who the noisy one is, doesn't it?

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Yeah.

Well. I haven't said anything to anyone. But I'm pretty sure people could tell I'm well cheesed off.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Heh. Yeah.

The nosy one says to the other one, 'Aren't you a a loose pigeon?'

Yeah, okay that one wasn't great. I was going to make it a 'blowsy smidgen', but that wasn't really better. Seems like it should be easier to make fun of Midgen.

Never mind. I've got another one for you.

What's dim, dusty and full of cobwebs?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

Oh, Ron. You really know how to make a queen feel appreciated.

And you're awful punny.

What is dim, dusty, and full of cobwebs?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

A Corner.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

What does a Hufflepuff do if you tell her to think for herself?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

Explode?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Hahaha.

Probably.

And if you tell her not to be such a mousy eejit, she...

Begsan Moans

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Get it?

Megan Jones, Begs an' moans.

Yeah. That's all I've got.

At least you laughed, right?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

I did.

Thank you for helping me smile. I needed it.

You need anything? Other than a chance to hex the pants off of whoever drew it?

Patil says it wasn't her, by the way. Who can be sure, but she seemed very anxious to dodge responsibility.

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Nah, I'm all right. I'm used to it, anywiz. People saying stuff about me.

And Patil's a cow, remember? Enough said?

Re: Private Message to Ron

[alt_pansy]

Well. You shouldn't have to be.

Because you're brilliant.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

Some of them, yeah.

Others, well, here's the thing. The kids at my primary school weren't the rich ones or the important ones. The rich kids, and the kids with important parents, usually have private tutors. So the social order went like this: the poor purebloods were at the top of the heap, and the teacher made sure we all knew they were better than the rest of us. Then the people who were technically half-bloods but only because they weren't quite pure. Then half-bloods where the wizarding parent had gotten rid of the muggle or muggleborn parent. Then half-bloods in fostering. Then half-bloods from blood-traitor families. I wasn't quite the only one but I was close.

Anyway.

So you come to Hogwarts and it all gets shaken up, you know, because you're Sorted into Houses and all that. And I got Sorted into Slytherin, which was HARRY MARVOLO'S House, and Pansy Parkinson wanted me for a friend. And since none of the Slytherins even knew my background they were kind enough at first, and even once they all found me out Pansy liked me and everyone was at least polite to me because they didn't want to get on her bad side.

The people who were horrible to me in primary school -- well. There were two who were the worst of the worst. One got Sorted into Hufflepuff and did really poorly on her OWLs because in the end she just wasn't at ALL clever, and she didn't stay on to do NEWTs so she's not even here anymore. The other was never here at all. She turned out to be a Squib. She never showed magic and never got a letter and I don't even know what happened to her but I don't imagine it was very nice.

Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like. If we'd gone to the same one. You and me, I mean.